I finally have tweaked the new site and I am creating the first ‘Official’ post on it! It feels pretty good, too. It has been a lot of work and with finals two weeks away, I was feeling the pressure. So, where did we last leave it? During the last few posts, I explained my gym addiction, which has not eased up at all – I truly feel at my best when I get to spend an hour or so there pushing myself; I talked about wrestling with my job situation, which is still the status quo, but my boss has resigned and they are in the process of looking for her replacement, and that has me a bit apprehensive. I felt good about my decision to privatize my blogger blog, but I felt even better when I decided to import it to my WP.org account to have more control and security of my words.
In the last postings, I reflected on the song Everybody’s Free, and what it meant to me at this point in my life, which seems like a great segue to start anew with this first new posting of the new site!
Fast forwarding to today, I am thinking about the weekend, the work I put in and reminiscing over some of the old posts I looked at while converting it all over, and thinking about how much life is evolving around me. A quote came to mind when I sat down to write this post today:
When you are looking at life in the present moment, you don’t see the big changes, but when you reflect, you see how monumental they all are. Over the weekend, I witnessed the first big one. While out and about with my boyfriend, Bobby, it became clear just how much he has changed in the last 2.5 years. His first big step was moving, but that isn’t really where the change took place, but I do believe it is where the origin point for his change began. He began to crack his introverted shell. It was a tiny fracture, but it was a great first step. After living with me and having our share of ups and downs, being pushed to his limits, feeling fear for a potential loss, and overall maturing (with me as a strong supporter), he is really thriving in our life together. There is no sadness, depression, overly introverted behavior, or fear for anything that may try to knock him down. He is emerging from that shell and becoming quite the outgoing person I always knew he was. It is kind of funny to me because he always called me a social butterfly, and he never saw how I could have possibly been introverted when I was always talking and being friendly with everyone we met. Now he knows! It just happens; you talk to one person, and that is like ripping off the Band-aid, and then you talk to another and another until it just isn’t a scary thing anymore. Now, there are times when I think he is more social than me.
It is amazing to see, too. I don’t always feel like I have to put on my strong face because he can be my rock when I am low. I even recall him telling me stories of when he was with his ex-girlfriend and he just didn’t want to go out because he wasn’t confident and it was tough for him to break out of his comfort zone after he had already made a lot of big changes in his life like being on his own for the first time and living with someone new. I don’t think it helped that she used to cause a scene (lock herself in a bathroom, etc.) when she would get drunk, but I digress. I think having a patient and caring heart has been why he and I work so well. I don’t think he could have asked for a bigger cheerleader and partner when we finally moved beyond just friendship to something more. I always saw his potential, and knew it would just be a matter of time and the correct circumstances for him to see it as well. I know this because it was how it happened for me. I just wasn’t as lucky to have someone there when it happened.
Over the weekend, I ran into a few stressors between work and school. The work stress made it nearly impossible to work on the animated lip sync that I had to create in 3ds Max on Saturday, so I went off from the things that were stressing me to create some conceptual work with my camera to clear my head. Sometimes, when my body is tired and yoga practice has not cured what ails my mind, I find that communicating with my muse is the correct course of action. In this case, it helped. I wasn’t in a perfect frame of mind, but by the time the boyfriend got home from work and we ate dinner, we went and spent a good few hours with one of our gaming buddies, Doug, while playing Neverwinter. Yeah, you can make me get older, but you can’t really stop me from getting in some gaming from time to time. I think I am just more conservative with it since I spend a lot of time in front of a computer while I work and complete coursework. Perhaps that will change once these two weeks pass.
I also had alcohol for the first time in a while. Man, was that different. It is an interesting balance you begin to create in your body when you work out hard and eat right, and then you change it up with some alcoholic cocktails and hors d’oeuvres.
On Sunday, I was a bit apprehensive about not having this mammoth project complete for 3d design, but I think the trip to Barefoot Beach with my boyfriend, and my best friend and family was exactly what I needed. We got there at 9:30 AM and didn’t leave until after noon. it was a wonderful time to let the boys fish and we got to sit around and snack on Trade Joe’s awesomeness, use the cameras (Canon and the GoPro), and walk the beach while mindlessly chatting away about life. After over 20 years as friends, it is pretty much what we do. It is an added bonus that the boys get along so well and have so much in common (they even work together), so they have play dates even when us ladies aren’t around.
It was funny because I had been so worried about getting my assignment done that by the time we got back from the beach, getting a late snack, and running puppy errands, I was able to get that homework assignment done in less than 2 hours, which was a in stark contrast to Saturday when 3 hours of work left me annoyed and not finished. After all that, I still had time to take a quick nap and go out with the boyfriend for some much needed sushi feasting! It was a lovely way to finish off the evening. It is even more impressive and a slight testament to how much the boyfriend has changed because he is kind of digging on the sushi, and previously, he was not stoked by it. Me? If there is wasabi at our table, I am a happy panda! There is just something so awesome about your sinuses and brain melting out of your face that makes wasabi so great.
The final thing on my brain for today came from Friday when I was adjusting some of the categories for the postings so they fit the right menus. I can across this post:
The post, from May of 2010, was about the difference between written meanings and verbal meanings, and how they can be construed by different people based on their personality type and experience. Back then, I took a personality test at work (one of those team building things) and was classified as an INFJ or a Protector. I decided, since things change, I would take the test again, and I found, I am still the same one; I am still an INFJ. For anyone not familiar with this type, it is:
Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging (Introverted Intuition with Extraverted Feeling)
As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.
INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.
I am still part of the one percent personality type club, but the jury is still out on whether that makes me an awesomesauce unicorn or just a dying breed of emotionally complex individuals. I like to think I am a magical unicorn, though! =)
I would say that some of the descriptions of the INFJ do stand out, like:
INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get “feelings” about things and intuitively understand them.
I have always been good at reading people and going with my gut instinct. Sometimes, it isn’t the popular vote, but if the hair goes up on the back of my neck, then I know to steer clear of those people or situations.
…the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people’s feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.
Oh, wow, how true this is. I love big, care big, feel what others feel, and try to avoid hurting people. There have been times in my life, when I have needed to create closure and the thought of hurting anyone was what kept me from doing it the minute I felt it. I also do not like conflict. I don’t like to cause drama or have someone try to cause drama in my life. When this occurs, I will ignore it until it goes away, or I find a way to deal with it in a way that cuts it all short.
Years ago, this type of this would have been to hit that person where it hurt to shut them down because I did not handle those situations well. I would look for the weakness and go in for the kill. I thought of it as a way to keep my health and sanity in check because of how much I internalized things. It was either, let myself get sick from the stress or shut the person or situation down immediately as part of my own self preservation.
To attest to change, now I just forgive people and situations and move on. The forgiveness, whether taken or not, is for me and my own well-being and it allows me to thrive in a positive way.
They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don’t believe in compromising their ideals.
I suppose the tattoo, ‘Never Settle’, speaks for itself when it comes to this passage. I believe that my moral compass is in tune with my system for living. I may be hard on myself at times, but it is because I believe I can grow each day and become better than the person I was yesterday. That said, I am also realizing that I don’t expect to see the changes immediately; I know that, like in my yoga practice, I have to be in the present and then when I reflect from time to time, I will notice the changes.
INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.
If there is one thing I have learned in the last week or so, it is that my bond with my daughter is quite strong. I know what it was like to be her age and I cut some slack when I know she needs it and I raise the expectations when I know she can reach them. being a mother is something I would never take back. Even if this is the only time I am one, meaning no additional rugrats floating about, I know that I was given an amazing gift by bringing her life and light into the world. Sometimes, it almost frightens me to know that I am responsible for a life beyond my own, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Anyone who squanders that kind of gift, I feel sorry for. You will never really know what you are capable of until you take on the role of a mother; and, when I say the role of a mother, I do not mean simply popping one out like a slow cooker.
Finally, I think this sums it up best:
The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.
I do not believe that life should be easy, no matter how convenient it might be, but well lived. Success is, for me, based on personal achievements, and when I look at my life and what I have overcome and accomplished so far, I believe that I have been successful…
So, it is time to go off into the fray. Until next time,