You know, some mornings just get you in an uppity mood for no other reason than you have not had time to settle and center yourself. I was having one of those mornings, let me tell you. I am already a little on edge with the potential for news, but it just compounded the fact that sometimes I feel like I get stuck in this “wait on me hand and foot” mode with family; like I get taken for granted. I finally had a moment of snappage with the munchkin because she seems to think, with summer around the corner, that she can slack off on her chores and household responsibilities.
I get up at 5:30 AM during the weekday so that I have time to get ready, not make sure that everyone else is good to go so then I can rush to get my own routine tasks done. We had a long conversation about losing privileges and allowance if the chores and other duties were not kept up with. At 11 years old, there are some things I know she is old enough to be responsible for and she has not been living up to that.
Another thing that had me in a bit of a fit is that I can tell, hormonally speaking, my “flow” is shortly upon us LOL! It is such an odd thing. I don’t ever get a full blown PMS, it is always like 1-2 symptoms and always slightly different each time. One month might be a break-out and crying at commercials, and the next month it might be bloating and rage. It is so weird how the body works. This month seems to be a bit of the short fuse factor and tiredness. I know, a whole lot more information than you really needed but it does help with understanding how I could be in such a state today.
The final straw was the internet. Yes, this crazy, vast digital frontier was a final source to my frustration this morning. I was literally just talking with a friend last night about her little social media experiment to just randomly talk to people she wanted to get to know better. I told her honestly that I felt that most people went to the internet, or more specifically social media, to make connections just like everyone else and encouraged her to do it. However, this morning I could feel a different tone to the social media field of Google Plus that I don’t care for – the high school popularity contest.
If I had one complaint about the “Goog” it is that. Sometimes it truly feels like quality isn’t nearly as important as popularity. If you are “in the cool crowd” you have a billion followers and it doesn’t matter the quality of posting, just that they have posted. This is further perpetuated by circle sharing. If you are cool, you are put into the “What’s Hot” and all the “coolest” circle shares and shared by more cool people, and thus attracting more circles. Now, to make matters worse, you have people who WANT to be cool, so they try to circle all the cool people in hopes that some of that coolness will rub off on them and further their brand as well.
Let’s face it, we are all marketing ourselves and our brand (also known as our style and identity) when we use social media, and when we don’t feel like we fit in, we feel like our brand and ourselves are being rejected. This is such an uncool and shitty feeling. Conversely, not every cool person is trying to be “a douchey cool person” and do not see the whole picture and that is okay, but the ones who try to “work” the system kind of make me feel a bit ill. Don’t get me wrong, it is smart, but it also feels a bit smarmy to me as well. Like that used car salesmen vibe.
In addition, when you get down to the meat and potatoes of it all, what is being internet famous? Does it pay the bills for you? Does it help you get to a place you want to be in life? Does it bring you closer to your family? Is it simply to inflate your ego?
Because, when I think about it, I can equate it to my current job’s culture in the sense that if you are “kind of a big deal”, what does that really mean? Well, it doesn’t amount to a hill of beans, really. If I want to be thought about for something, I would prefer it be for my cool art or my kind heart. That’s right – I want to be remembered in life as someone who made neat shit and was known for being compassionate with those people around me. To me, that is the truest inspiration we can give the world in a way to see it change in a positive light.
So, what can be done about it? Nothing, of course, but the real thing you have to ask yourself is “do I want to play that game?”, and if you have an answer for that, then you know what you should do. It is really the same thing for life in general. If you don’t like something in your life, you ask the right questions, like “can I live without it?”, “can I live with it?”, “what are the repercussions to keeping or losing it?” and “will making this change make me a happier person?”
I had a few of these questions this morning and I also had answers to them as well. They came to me during my practice and meditation. First I thought about this – completely reciting it in my head:
I started out my practice with that thought in my heart, and I started to feel the frustrations slip away. Each inhale and exhale took me farther away from my inner snarky little bitch and closer to the centered and settled person I feel like right now. I was reminded of something I saw on Pinterest and repinned a few weeks ago too: