On The Edge

Have you ever waited for something that you just didn’t want to wait for?  I mean, like seriously had you on edge with waiting?  Where your patience was being pushed to the max and you just needed to know the outcome?  And, amidst all the waiting, you just had to sit and wait some more?

I am having one of those weeks!

It is like sitting around waiting for your crush to call for the first time, except, it has been a million years since I had to go through that kind of business, and I can say that I do not miss it in the slightest.

Because, inevitably, when you want to get an answer or receive some sort of results, you have to wait beyond the window of time that you were given.
Thank goodness there is yoga and the gym to help me destroy some of this energy or I fear that I could explode!  Luckily, I have this blog to help me get through my limbo and my idol ramblings.  However, I feel like I cannot doing anything else remotely taxing to my brain, which kind of sucks too.  I have no desire to do coursework and I have resorted to murdering my neurons with pointless television before bed to occupy myself.

This has hampered my creativity slightly, but the upside is that I have been able to conceptualize more projects and outline product lists and timelines for when my drive to do them returns.  So, I guess it isn’t the creativity part that is lacking, it is the determination to get them executed that is virtually nil.  There isn’t much reason for me to be worried, though; I know that this will all normalize once I get what I need to stop fixating on my current “potential” changes.

Don’t get me wrong, I have waited patiently for many things in my life like over 9 months for my munchkin to be born since she was a late induction and I waited for years before my boyfriend finally decided to leave Oklahoma to start a life and family with me, so it isn’t like I don’t have some sainthood points stocked up on my karmic shelf, but this kind of wait is like nails on the chalk board meets that part in a zombie flick where it is just too quiet and you are waiting for something to scare the crap out of you kind of anticipation.

Okay, okay, okay… I am sure you get the point LOL!

With all that being said, I think I will shift my attentions towards things that are not waiting-centric.  I will talk about how much I love that my boyfriend gets these cool pro deals and discounts through work.  Like, stupidly good deals on things I would seriously hesitate on breaking my purse for.  One such thing was a GoPro.  I have wanted one for almost 2 years now and I finally was able to get one.

If you do not know what a GoPro is, let me lay the knowledge down for you….

Meet the GoPro Hero3+!  This little bad boy will be my “on the move” camera of choice, I think.  When I get out into the thick of the really real world, I don’t always love slinging my giant camera, plus, I have always wanted to film more at the beach and in the surf and now I can do exactly that.

If you want to know more about it or just see some amazing photo potential this bugger has, click through to: http://gopro.com/.

I was able to not only secure the GP Hero3+, but I got the surf edition for water submergence and also a butt ton of awesome little add-on accessories.  I can’t wait for my baby to arrive!

Yeah, yeah, yeah… More waiting heehee, but at lease this kind of waiting is par for the course when I order something new.  It is totally manageable.

Let’s see… What else?

I have considered, yet again, whether or not I want to open up my Etsy Shop again.  I currently have my RedBubble shop sitting there collecting dust along with a few others because I just haven’t had the time to dedicate to them so I think for now, I will keep the ones open that are collecting dust for free and wait until things settle down before I open up my Etsy Shop since it does cost to list.  I did find a few new shops to favorite while I contemplated, so at least there was that.  I even did a quick pass over ArtFire just to see if there were any rare crafting gems or supplies I should add to my conceptual prop box.

Beyond the things I did yesterday and today, I am loving the direction life is going at the moment.  Even when I am run ragged, feeling raw, and exhausted beyond all my normal boundaries, I can look at my life and rejoice.  I am happy.  I am not sickeningly happy to a fault, but I am content with how my life is working out.  I had a few sticky and tricky moments during the last few years, but when I look at this very moment at everything that is important to me in my life… It makes me smile.

I have a job that pays my bills, I can buy things that I want, I can provide for my family, I am getting good grades in school, I am walking away with my second degree, I am always learning and evolving to build my own brand and style, I will never stop learning from the choices I make in life, I am the master of my own fate, I will not allow anyone to dictate my mood except me, I will never live in my past, I will always be true to myself, I will take onus for my mistakes, I have a loving and caring family who wants nothing more than to support me and let me know how much I mean to them, and I have a daughter who is slowly becoming a wonderful little woman.

I don’t think there is anything to truly complain about.

If there is one thing I will never understand is people with an overly exhausting negative view on the world and the people in it.  Sure, do I think there are individuals who are not good?  Of course, but do I think the entire human race is doomed? Nope.

As I age, I begin to think about things differently.  I am reminded of a quote:

“Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and the wrong. Sometime in your life you will have been all of these.” – Dr . Robert H. Goddard

It is easy to lash out at people and prejudge them because your own inadequacies, emotions or experiences cloud your perception, but I have come to understand that the real strength is from being empathetic, patient (yeah, see how I tied back to that one), and compassionate.

That is not to say you can’t be headstrong or a free spirit, but you have to consider that the world is filled with many different spirits; it has a myriad of personalities and diverse cultures.  You will find some people in life that are very similar to you and you will find some people who are like the night to your day.  heck, my sister and I are perfect examples of this phenomenon.  Even cooler still, you might become best friends with someone completely different from you and be mortal enemies with someone who is very much like you.  I guess you could say that your life doesn’t have room for more than one person like you heehee.  Joking aside, my best friend of over 20 years has always been very different than me.  Even as we both evolve, we both change in different ways, but I can’t imagine not having her as my bestie!

Life, age and experience are interesting things.  If I think back to 5 years ago, I was the same person, but I was in such a different place in my life (emotions, experiences, etc.) and I wasn’t as equipped to deal with some things as I could now.  Hell, even going back another 5 years, I would have thought the same thing.  I carry a strength within myself to be the change in my own universe, which I hope continues outward into the universe we all share.

I do not claim to be a genius or a monster, but I am sure to the people I have interacted with in my life, I might have been called one or the other.  Perhaps even something in the middle of the spectrum.  However, the truly important to remember, when I lay my head down to rest, is that I believe I have done something positive for the day and that I am focused on doing more of it when I wake.

All the rest?  Well, I will quote Tifa and say, “Dilly Dally Shilly Shally”.  It really doesn’t matter.

And on that note, it is time to go back to the world and try to make it a better place – one action at a time!

So, until next time….

Namaste! ♥


6 thoughts on “On The Edge

  1. Rachael Alexandra says:

    I'm happy for you but at the same time want it for myself. I'm just about two hairs away from being one of those exhaustingly negative people. I have what I feel are valid reasons for such a mindset though. I'm only a few shades off because I'm too lazy to work at it. I'd rather just curl up with a book than perfecting my sour face lol I just keep my mouth shut and my distance kept as much as possible because people don't understand, you said it yourself.


  2. Jaded Pixels says:


    I don't find you to be exhaustively negative – trust me, those people make me want to take ceramic sheep to my eye sockets when I have to deal with them. Personally, everyone has a reason for the way they are and experiences often fuel those things.

    After dealing with some rather unsavory people in my life, I can see why they are the way they are, I just wish something would shock them out of it.

    I would say more than anything, I try – if the try leads me to an unhappy place with people, then I make the change; I do not expect to change them. ♥


  3. Rachael Alexandra says:

    Well thank you 🙂 wait until you read what I replied to the other post lol I don't even myself that way but being called a hateful c**** because I voiced what I thought was unfair really can do a number on you when this person is well regarded in our g+ community lol Truthfully I brushed it off because it's not true but it did give me insight on how I was seen at least by a few… It makes me sad because I'm actually a pretty decent person. My boyfriends mom who actually knows me in person said I was the human equivalent of a Labrador because I'm open and warm in contrast with her daughter I'm law who isn't cold but she's more contained instead of crying at Christmas carols. She thought it was interesting to note that each of her boys had ended up with women who suited their personalities. It's a shame to me that no one on that g+ has been able, willing or interested to be in my presence for an afternoon. My energy is much different in person than when I reduced to cerebral blatherings.


  4. Rachael Alexandra says:

    Some people's lives are just harder than others or they are less mentally equipped from birth to handle it. Sometimes they just need some tlc. If I were to make an extra 20 bucks a month solely from my art. I would feel complete. Not having anyone else save one person interested in my art for over 10 years, is just crushing.


  5. Jaded Pixels says:

    I have to admit, I have witnessed, after the fact, a lot of drama within the community, and I always feel slightly grateful that I don't get mixed up in too much. Quite honestly, the only people I have ever had issues with are people who had issues with me prior to G+ and the backstabbing individual who was supposed to be my friend going behind my back within that same situation.

    I've been called many wonderful names in my lifetime, so I am also thankful that those types of words don't hurt me. They simply aren't true and anyone who knows me knows that they are untrue as well. If someone believes it, then they clearly did not take the time to get to know me and that is there tough luck, not mine.

    There are some people I have drifted from due to such issues because it is easier to just not associate rather than bring on drama of any kind, but I don't lose sleep over it. There are more things to life than pleasing everyone – especially in the social media world. It is like that big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big pond scenario. I just don't feel like being a fish or in any dirty pond, so I try to do my own thing in my own generally peaceable way.

    We used to have a mantra, which was:

    Be better, not bitter.

    That is the practice I TRY to adhere to. Notice I said try? ^.~

    I have always thought of you as a really sweet and genuine person. I recall when we were on Billy's show together, we had quite a good time – we both had our liquid courage! There is not a doubt in my mind, when you are around your family and friends, that you are exactly that person.

    I do agree that some people have had crap handed to them and I also believe that not everyone is “as equipped” or believe in their strength to make it through things. In my 33 years, I have known 4 people who could not and ended it all abruptly, which was saddening and quite rage-inducing. Some people need TLC and some people, I just don't know what they need – saving? redemption? a slap in the face? I don't even think I have a clue. It is all deeply personal and individualized for me to venture a guess.

    I have made a few bucks here and there for my work, but nothing to write home about, but I often create for me. I am not deemed worthy of many of the stock sites and it isn't like people are beating down my door to purchase self portraits, but I stopped being sad about it because it isn't for everyone. Don't shoot food, flowers, or landscapes unless it really makes me take notice – I like stylized work and I put forth a great deal of effort to do it, so if it isn't for everyone, I am not crushed (anymore).

    As for your work going unnoticed, I still recall your black and yellow bumblebee portrait you did years ago, which I adored; color me a fan too! There, now that is two – plus, I would guess that there are more that you don't even know about.

    Oh yes, I have ceramic sheep in my office and I am not afraid to use them! =D


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