The In-Between

Standing in limbo is a weird place to be.  In some aspects, it is terrible because you are often waiting for something.  Most times, you are waiting on something that is out of your control too, which makes it more twitchy.  However, there are times when limbo gives you a pause – a little breather for what may come next.

Right now, I am in-between.  In-between a lot of different things.  Some of those things are exciting and some are just par for the course.

I am hoping that Friday will provide me with the ability to speak more freely about some of the things in the works, but until I know more, I have to keep a lid on it.  That being said, it fills me with a bit of nervous excitement as well as plain nervousness.  Change is a fickle thing.  I love to change, which is quite clear by the ever-changing look of my hair!  On the other hand, change is… well, change.  It is an unknown quantity, a variable that has a random emotional value that isn’t clear yet.  it could be a good thing or it could be a bad thing.  It can even be a lateral sort of “meh” thing too.

We all know that old saying, “The grass is always greener…”.  Do you make a change – take the risk – and hope for the best?  Do you avoid change and never know what is out there?  These are all things we think about and work through.  Limbo is a great place for contemplation and meditation.
Since I have been in this “in-between” – this limbo – for a few weeks, my yoga and meditation have been integral to keeping my sanity and really considering what is important.  It has given me the opportunity to take stock in things and put my time and energy into things of value.
Value is also very subjective.  Some people may see the decline in my photographic works to be of a detriment, but I find it liberating because I can work on more specialized conceptual pieces and work on creating supplement things to accompany them like video tutorials or 3D animations for my classes.  I like to think of success and value to be things that are very unique to each individual.  my measurements for these may be different from yours, and guess what, that is O-K!
In June, I can hang my student hat up for a bit.  I am halfway through with Week 5 out of 11 Weeks of classes, which has me at the halfway point for the term.  I am doing things that I would not have imagined doing nearly 2 years ago.  I am making 3D models, making them move, I am programming Flash games and animations, I am drawing digitally with my tablet, and so much more.  I have learned from great instructors and I have self taught my way through some of the less than stellar classes with incompatible instruction to my own style and I am carrying a nearly perfect GPA.  This school limbo is nearly complete and I am glad.
The transitional limbo of two working adults under one roof is still a work in progress, but we are managing.  If you do not work or have never worked a real job (not with a family business or with friends, but a really real, working for the man, kind of job) in your life, then you have no idea how tricky this limbo can be.  
When one person is working in a shift differential position and the other is in more banker’s hours (the 8-5 M-F gig), it makes quality time a little lacking, but I think it is going well so far.  There are hiccups and bumps with some of the household duties that need to be hammered out, but it is better than coming home to someone who has played video games all day or never having “at home” quiet time to yourself.
I have lived with people in the past that have sat around doing nothing productive to help the family dynamic and it is just not something I will live through again.  It is this weird thing, in my opinion.  I may be hopping a bit off topic, but I swear I will swing it around soon.
I think back to my “stay at home mom” year, and I think about how I learned a lot from the experience.  I was used to working before hand, so the year I stayed home, I made being at home a job.  I did the house chores, I took care of my baby, and I prioritized my down time with getting everything done.  I never once thought about slacking off because I knew I wasn’t the “bread winner” and the money that came into the house was nothing I earned.  I had my own jobs and contributions like making sure the budget was met, made sure the bills were paid and the groceries were purchased.
When I had the opportunity to go back to work, I jumped at the chance.  It isn’t because I didn’t like being home, it was just that I preferred to contribute in a way I was accustomed to.  After my divorce, I was my own bread winner and had to use all those excellent skills I learned from my “stay at home year” to keep myself in check.  It was odd to go from sharing chores and money to only considering  being on my own and taking care of a small one.
If you have never been a single person or a single mom. doing everything on your own, then it is pretty hard to wrap your head around the sacrifices and constant limbos you are forced to be in.
It is a very grown up lesson to learn that you are not the center of the universe or the center of your own universe even.  You are merely, living in for the universe and trying to make it the best place you can make it with what you have in your pockets and your own two hands.
You essentially become MacGyver!  With a lick and a promise, you try to do things to make the world a better place for your child and the people around you.
It may mean that you have to work a shit job, it may mean that you can’t take trips or go to events, but it is a sacrifice you make because you have responsibilities and you have others who depend on you.
In all of these lessons, I have learned (as I bring it back around again) that the in-between time is a great place to recoup.  It is a time to get all your soldiers in a line, a place where you can collect yourself, or brace yourself for what comes next.  Sure we all love a little instant gratification (I wouldn’t be a photographic artist in my spare time if I didn’t enjoy it), but sometimes the letting go, making changes, and quiet meditation during the in-between will soften some of the jolts and jars of life’s little changes and adjustments.

I hope to speak more after Friday, if I can, but for now…
Have a wonderful hump day! ♥

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